Honestly, tonight has been hell. I miss knowing what i want to be. i just wish it would come and slap it across my face like BAM! here you go kimberly, here is what God wants you to do in your life, that would be just dandy. I am so over-whelmed and just want to get away. As a person i feel i am super calm, but certain things like deciding what to do with the rest of my life freaks me out. not knowing and being asked freaks me out. my first thought of what i wanted to be a while back was a missionary, but that would not fly with the parentals, then i figured i could put my some what artistic skill to work and be an artist, come to find out that makes little to none on the money scale. honestly, i dont know what i want to do. maybe something with art and well...idk. for now i want to move out and just create and express myself and design and do as i please, but honestly, thats not happening anytime soon. plus, ive had an itch to paint recently and my mother recently kicked me out of the kitchen table where i used to work and now i have no place to go and create, she wanted me to work in the garage but its about 102 degrees there daily. and its hard to create when my brains are sweating on my shirt. i know im complaining, and i should stop, but something about dropping my anger and stress and complete utter confusion into blogger land makes me happy. and as of now its just me and jack johnson awake, no one is onlne...this rarely happens, but there are few insomniacs out there like myself...its only almost two am and im not even close to being tired. you know what else bothers me? fake people. people that love you to your face but talk shit when u show them ur back. people that love you then leave you. people like that are not worth my time. and as a junior in high school i have grown to realize that shit like that happens. and i have to hold onto the ones that do matter, the ones that love fully and cherish me and our memories, the ones that support your wild dreams and tell you its ok to not have it all figured out. i personally dont like planning things out, parental beggs to differ, it loves to plan things out and bugs the shit out of my until i do it. i think its ok to not have a plan. i love art and i want to do something with that. is that so hard to grasp? no, didnt think so.
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