3:42AM

Hello there, it is 3:42 AM and I am lost. Not in an "I can't find my way" type way. But, in an artist way.

Well, let me first explain something to you folks...well folk, or whoever reads this. i am an artist. I know I am. I have been since I started taking classes in 2nd grade. Even before that I loved art. Everything about it. Well, the more I create, the more I love it. It takes me to this place where the world just kind of spins around me and I can dance with color and texture. My art is personal. Yes, very personal. Therefore, when I have my AP art teacher breathing down my back I feel like he is reading my diary. EW. Anyways, the most insulting thing you can tell an artist is, "This work is not original, or become more original" those evil words no artist, photographer, musician or any of the sort would want to hear. Well, let me tell you. After three consecutive 88%s on my artwork in this class, i was given this remark. Now, let me tell you something else. I will defend my work till the day I die. I love my art, it is part of me. This piece was one of my favorites. According to my rubric it was not original enough...meaning my teacher hates me and wanted to grade me down. Well, heres to you mr.teacher. I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK. I DO NOT CARE WHAT I GET ON THIS AP TEST. I create art for me, but mostly for my CREATOR. Now, with this in mind, i started to let myself go tonight...slapping colors on canvas and letting it flow with mr.jack johnson in the background, as usual. I started 5 paintings, didn't finish one. Well, some i do not even know what they are going to be, they haven't told me. Crazy, a canvas talking to the artist. But, honestly I know now how most artists are insane. A object can make you so mad, so happy, and feel so small. The blank canvas can stare at you and call you an idiot, because it is afraid of the passionate painter inside. Well, as I still here typing with dried acrylic paint on my hands, I see it clear. I know that I love art. I know that I love to face that blank canvas. There is this fire in me that wants to destroy and silence the blank canvas. It makes me want to create for bigger reasons than a grade, because frankly I do not care about my AP studio grade. Sorry Orange Lutheran...i don't care. It is something I almost regret taking. I have been torn down in this class so much to the point that i enjoy ceramics more. I absolutely love my alone time on the wheel. So peaceful, until the band starts practicing and I can't find my headphones...yeah. ok, now I am rambling, but I just needed to throw that out there. So, I am signing off, I still haven't done my econ homework. i am past the point of senioritis...if that is possible.